


Perfect Gold

by ateverbti



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies), Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Pseudo-Incest, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:45:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateverbti/pseuds/ateverbti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor just want to bring his brother back with him but it’s harder than he thought it will be. Frigga gave him an idea how to do it: one apple, one day with him. Will Loki agree to this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I found and idea on one of norse-kink prompt but in the middle I thought it’s not enough so I change the subject a bit. Whole work is written, now I'm struggling (or better say: bothering my friend to translate it ), so the chapters will be add once or twice a month.

God of Thunder vaguely remembered that day. When they were children, when there wasn't a bitter rivalry between them, the shadows that laid on their friendship.

Iddun's gardens had always shone with gold. They were like a crown adorned with colourful crystals of flowers. Sometimes, they snuck in there to pick the most beautiful, sun-warmed and sweetest fruit. Always together. Loki used his harmless tricks to fool the garden lady, who always vigilantly guarded her treasures. When his younger brother had managed to engage Iddun in a conversation, an illusion or a fine joke, Thor climbed the tallest tree, the branch closest to the sky and he picked one of the apples. Loki then cut it in half by one of his sharp knives. They sat together, hidden from the eyes of others, laughing, joking. Brothers.

Years had passed, they had become adults, but Loki was still able to fool Idunn and Thor was picking the single, golden apple. Until, one day, he stopped. Because there was no longer the person he would like to share it with. Loki passed away, fell into the abyss, disappeared. Even when he found him in Midgard, Loki was no longer the person Thor knew so well. The green eyes lacked a joyful spark, thin lips were not going to turn up in a smile. Hands wove no illusions that have delighted his eyes before. No, they now threw deadly spells, casted the same, sharp knives. To kill, to destroy. His brother passed away, but Thor wanted to believe, and he believed, that in all this madness, the terrible rage and anger, there was still something that would allow him to return Loki. Former brother, with whom had never been associated by blood.

He tried to understand him, talked to him. Or rather, he spoke to him. Thor later realised, just after Loki had disappeared for the second time, that he was only talking. He have never even tried to listen to what his brother had to say. If only Loki wanted to speak. But the Liar did not want it, silent, fierce in his anger, perhaps in his madness. If he had just a little more time, Thor would... If only someone would help him. But apparently only he and Frigga believed that Loki is not lost. No one else. Others did not understand, did not want to understand. They have treated his brother as a traitor, a murderer that he was. But the truth wasn't so obvious. Thor did not want it to be. Loki was still his brother, no matter where he came from, what he did, how he was. Thunderer still loved him and did not want to lose him again. No more. Thor knew that this time no one will help him, no one will listen to Asgard's golden son. He will be all alone.

The evening was warm and humid for the Asgard Fall. Stuffy, claustrophobic. Thor was sitting in his chamber looking at countless scrolls, thick books smelling of old ink and dust. He was moving his finger across the worn words, trying to find a solution in them that may comfort him. He knew these pages by heart, so many times he looked over his brother's shoulder, when Loki was learning the next spell. Thor smiled faintly at the memory.

Loki has always been full of secrets, hidden in his words, which were a better shield than the one he carried himself. In the silence of the night he sat next to his brother, without asking　questions, knowing that Loki would only put them off with laughter or another ironic word. Even then, Trickster was distant, as if seidr separated him from the others. Jealously guarding his master. Even so, Thor continued to come at night to listen the monotonously repeated of spells, he looked at the fingers intertwining green threads in the air. Loki let him do so. Him only. Nobody else could know, just Thor. Trust. He never was as happy later as he was at that time.

Quiet creak of massive iron hinges, pulled Thor from his thoughts. His fingers tightened on the hammer’s handle and relaxed almost immediately when he saw the face of the night visitor. Blue eyes of Frigga,  now gray with sorrow, golden hair hidden under the dark material. It was like she was in mourning for a lost son. She closed the door behind her and went quietly, almost silently.

"I know what you're looking for" her voice, not as vibrant, beautiful as ever. Broken. "You will not find it here."

"Mother" Thor bowed his head when Frigga put her hand on his shoulder  "I... will not stop looking."

"I know, son. You never give up, always stubborn, always unstoppable," she whispered as her fingers clenched harder on the material of the shirt. "Now you cannot give up," a painful embrace. “My heart broke twice when I have lost my son twice."

"I will find him, mother," Thor put his hand on her hand. "I promised before the Norns that I will find him, I will bring him home. No matter how many times he will run away".

"Even if everyone is against you? And against him," she said after a moment. "You are the son of the king, you have been promised the throne one day.”

"Even then" he nodded "I know, I should be reasonable enough to let him go, but I've never been sensible, mother. Now, when I eally should I do not want to be".

"Let me help you" she said, reaching into the folds of her dress "I have a spell that will allow you to summon him. But it will depend on him whether he will answer your call." Frigga paused　for a moment, swallowing the bitterness of her words. "I hope he will respond."

"Mother."

"No one can know" she shove the scroll in his hand  "No one. Because they will bind him again, and he will run away again. You have to be alone. Just you and him. Only the two of you, no one else".

"I do not know if he would want to listen to me, it's all my fault, mother. If only I saw it earlier... " Thor clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles whitened up.

"It has always been just you and him," she said, embracing her son. "Bring him home, and if he does not want to go back, stay with him where he is."

"I am going to do it, mother," scroll was almost burning in his hands when Thor was squeezing it harder and harder "Thank you."

"Take it with you," she gave him an apple. Golden apple from the Iddun's gardens "Loki needs it." She smiled faintly and walked away, leaving him alone.

Thor was turning it in his hands for several long minutes. Mother was right, Loki needed it. Now, when he was alone, away from home. Finally,God of Thunder put the apple on the table. Unwanted thought crawled into his head. Apple. Immortality. He never thought about it, what would happen if they were deprived of it. Even during his time in exile in Midgard. Now it hit him harder than ever. Without the life-giving power of Iddun's fruit, the immortality would fade away like a dream in the morning. Gods do not grow old, they did not die, because of them. Loki could die, fade away. When did his brother have a golden apple in his mouth? He needed it. Something stabbed Thor straight in the heart, he saw his younger brother with the mind's eye, wounded, lonely, somewhere in the dark. Leaving him forever. Thor reached for the scroll. Foreign words he could not pronounce, seidr sparkling, flashing in the dark. Thunderer ran after them with his fingers, feeling the power’s kiss on their tips.

 _"No one can know. Just you and him."_ Frigga's words rang in his ears, when he asked Heimdall for the bridge to Midgard. There, he could hide, he will weave an illusion and summon Loki. All his muscles were trembling when he set his foot on the luminous bridge. The trip was short, as the blink of an eye, a second in eternity. Thor has clumsily woven the illusion in a hurry, trying to hide himself. His friends from Midgard could not know. They would not understand, just like Sif and the Warriors Three. They would try to reason, persuade him. Thor did not need the words. He breathed deeply the cool, autumn air and looked around. He was in the desert, far away from human habitats, from curious glances. Starry, clear skies, penetrating cold, the freedom, the most beautiful view in the world. If only he could share it with his brother. If he only managed to summon Loki, it could be true. Thor will show him the places that he loves. Those that took his breath away every time when he visited them. He will share it all with Loki, not just a golden apple.

The illusion Thor created might not have been the best, but he was not as skilled in this as Loki was. Loki. Certainly, his brother will be laughing at all the mistakes, he will point them and show that he can do it better. At least Thor hoped so. He was afraid that his brother would not come to the call, and if he will - he would want to kill Thor. God of Thunder was aware of this, but the urge to see Loki was a lot stronger. Thor sat down on the ground that was already cold, dry, and he began clumsily weave the spell that he had received from his mother. Threads of seidr glided around his body, enveloping around the fingers, disappearing into the night. He hummed monotonous ritual words. One after another, until they finally merged in the song. With barely restrained sobs when another choked in his throat. He has never felt so helpless than when he realized that he had only one chance, and if that did not work, he would lose his brother forever. He pleaded in his heart that Loki would heard the cry and agree to this strange bargain that Thor would offer him. He clenched his fists, feeling the searing kiss of seidr on his hands, getting stronger, almost burning his skin. Loki would have done it better. Loki was the wiser. Always the wiser of the two of them. If only he could see it that day.

"Impressive" said Loki, coming out from the shadows "The best warrior of Asgard is using womanly magic. What would your friends say?"  his voice was razor-sharp, cold "Oh yes, they will say that you are not a warrior, and you are unworthy son of Asgard. Unworthy prince."

"You came, you heard me," he said quietly, not taking his eyes from his brother. "Brother ..."

"I'm not ..." Loki paused and laughed, bitterly, painfully. "No, that's too boring. You repeat that over and over again" he shook his head and a grimace appeared on his mouth, which probably was to imitate a smile. Or was it. Thor could not tell. "Why did you call me? To bring me home? Yes, you could do it, son of Odin. Try to convince me to your case. Or do you want to punish me?" tones of his voice growing higher, a little squeaky "Do you? You can try it, everybody else has failed!" laughter, more and more hysterical, crazy.

"I do not want to argue with you, or to punish you, Loki," Thor rose cautiously, but he did not make a single step to get closer to his brother.  "I want to offer you a fair deal".

"Deal?"  Loki frowned and looked at him, surprised, puzzled. Dark circles under the eyes, deeper than ever "Fair? You are proposing a fair deal to the God of Lies?" Again, the laughter, loud, painful. "You are a bigger fool than I thought."

"You were always smarter than me, Loki. I could never catch up with your wits" Thor reached into his jackets pocket, which he was now  wearing and took of a golden apple "Do you remember?" he cut the apple in half.

Loki squinted his eyes, a shadow of the old smile appeared on the lips.

"Sentiments," he spat, his voice full of venom, so different from the one that Thor wanted to remember.

"You do remember," Thor said, holding out his hand with half an apple in Loki’s direction.

God of Lies and Chaos had stiffened, suddenly froze. His eyes, already raging, icy, now different. It was as if something in him stirred. Thor saw a familiar spark in the dark, green eyes.

"What is the deal?" Loki asked hissing through his teeth.

"Half an apple, for one day with me. Twelve Midgardian hours, where you will not be my enemy, and you will not want to kill me. Half of the golden apple for a moment of being my brother. Just as before, without hatred, without anger." Thor stopped to try to read his brother's face, but Loki still was wearing this hideous mask of indifference  "Every month I will bring you an apple, and you will spend the day with me."

"One day?"

"Yes."

"You are a fool,"  he snapped.  "If you think that what was between us can be forgotten. That it will all go away just because you will dream about it or come up with something. I know what you really want. I know what you want." Trickster took a step toward him; Thor refrained from running up and embracing his brother. "Do you think you'll find me in the end, and I’ll come back with you to the hell you call home? That we will be brothers again, as in the past? We will not. No, that's impossible, son of Odin."

"You have never given up without a fight," Thor whispered, knowing that Loki still heard it. "You're not a coward, why don’t we treat this as a challenge?"

"I would say how stupid you are, but it's probably not worth it for me to waste my breath for you," :Loki said, this time softly.

"Think of it as a challenge, brother." Thor came closer, but still was keeping a distance.

"Twelve hours" God of Mischief said, as if thinking. Calculating the situation.

Thor watched him. Loki crossed his fingers, closed his eyes. He looked so pale, delicate. Dark circles under the eyes, shadowy, scary, as if he had not slept for ages. Sunken cheeks. The sharp edges of the body. Somewhere in the dark. Loki looks like he was trembling, but Thor could not see exactly. He might as well have imagined it. The contours of the world faded when seidr flowed in his veins. Everything sparkled and shimmered.

"Yes," Loki replied after a long time, in a tired voice. "I agree."

***

_“It's a gift that you know I do not want to deceive you, Loki.”_

_“I want to understand you, to try.”_

_“One day, one apple. Nothing more.”_

Unwanted words of his brother rang in his head when Loki was turning half of the golden apple. Thor could not have known, he was too stupid for that, too inward-looking in himself and his dreams for a moment to even think about Loki. Yes, he certainly thought about how to bring Trickster home, but nothing more. Loki also believed that it was not just a mere sentiment of stealing apples from the Idunn's garden. It had to be something more. But this plan could not be Thor’s. Maybe Odin’s or Frigga’s? Only someone’s that cared so much for catching him again. Allfather wrote him off long ago, he would love to keep Loki locked, lacking seidr and tongue. When Loki ran again, his father did not stop him, even though he could do it. Magical locks and chains would keep him in place, but when Loki tugged, finally certain of his power and strength, they burst as if they were just children’s toys. Certainly, not Odin. Loki's escape was handy for him. So maybe Frigga? She would be able to do so. Loki always admired her intellect and warm heart. Now he despised her kindness, but never denied her wits. But why would she want him back? After all, she was not his mother, the real one. Liar caused her so much pain, she should hate him, but her eyes never were  angry, only sad. Yes, this could be Frigga, she gave his fool of a brother the spell and golden apple, and sent him to find missing son, who had never been her son. Not really.

Sentiments.

Thor was a fool. Fool for whom everything turned out a success, fool which was given his prize on a golden platter. He has never had to fight for anything, try anything. Instead, he just was. Now he thought that everything will be fine. That bringing an apple to Loki will rebuild their lives, which collapsed into the abyss. Gold, selfish oaf. He did not care for Loki. He just wanted to have his brother back with him. Just like when he brought Loki home, in chains, with a gag in his mouth. He believed that Loki will bow down before the Allfather, repent his sins and all would be well again as before. It could not be anymore. Exile was too painful a fall, too long, and the darkness and emptiness too terrible for Loki to ever be able to be just the Thor’s brother.

One bite, just one. Sweet taste of memories, drowned in the golden sun. Warmth, joy, love. Never before an apple from the Idunn’s garden left such a bitter aftertaste on the tongue. Loki swallowed with difficulty, holding something that wanted to get out of. Sentiments. Ordinary sentiments. Another bite. All gone, emptiness and indifference back and... immortality. Oh, Thor really was a fool if he thought that Loki was keen on this arrangement. Liar only wanted immortality, the strength of that wave returned as soon as he ate a piece of an apple. That's all, nothing more. Never anything more. But why all he wanted was so horribly bitter? Trickster took out two seeds, put them aside. He would consider later what to do with them. Maybe he can recreate the whole fruit. When he does, he will no longer be at the mercy of his brother. As always.

Loki tried not to fall asleep, wanted to endure another night without nightmares, nor dreams. Falling, darkness, emptiness. All dreams were the same. No matter what he tried to do,  to say, God of Mischief would finally eased his fingers, fell into the abyss of eternal darkness and emptiness. He passed constellations, stars, glow in the distance, but when he tried to grab it, they melted in his hands, flooding it with black. Loki was falling down, still hearing only one sentence, _"No, Loki."_ Just this one sentence, two words.

After hitting the ground, icy, cracked from the cold, someone’s powerful, predatory hands tore him into pieces. Voices whispered tempting him with power, might, strength. They laid on his chest, over his heart. God of Lies defended himself, as long as he could, but he had no strength. Before they rushed at him, he wrapped a piece of his consciousness under thick wall, built of words that someone once said to him. And then Loki gave up, giving himself to the voices, his seidr, his intellect. He gave up hope that they would fulfil at least some of their sweet promises. Then he woke up still feeling the cold inside his chest. Trickster laid in the dark, calming his breath, clenching  slender fingers on knives, injuring them, till the skin drowned in blood, terrified that the next time they will take it all, do not leave even this small piece, which he managed to hide from them.

Loki curled up on the bed, hating this moment of weakness, when surrounded by the cold sheets, he closed his eyes. The taste of golden apple still dancing on the tongue, the taste of immortality. Clenching his hands into fists, softly whispering words of another spell that would protect him. Tangled green, shiny thread just above his head, surrounding him with its pungent odour. Thor was a fool if he thought he could bring him home. He was a fool, thinking that there was something from his old brother left in Loki. He was such a terrible fool. Loki swallowed those words, suddenly uttered aloud. For a split second, something jerked in him, boundless grief, but it passed as quickly as the blink of an eye. He was himself again.

He woke up before dawn, when the world was still gray. This time, Loki did not remember his dreams, even though he was sure he had them. They will never leave. But he felt better, apples divine power brought him a bit of strength. Black cat, stretched on the windowsill purred coaxingly, raised its head for a moment, its eyes taxed Loki, and it went back to sleep. He only shook his head. When he managed to get into it. To be sheltered by a strange animal, which just entered his apartment on a one rainy day and decided that it will remain. Loki summoned ghostly smile on his face

An apartment in an abandoned building was not ideal for him, but Loki wanted to lay low in this strange world, which he had tried to conquer before. According to logic, he should have chosen another, as far from here as he could find. Should have found new allies, take back what he deserved, but instead Loki found himself here. In the old flat, somewhere in the suburbs of Seattle. Together, with the cat. He liked coffee, one of the few drinks in Midgard that it does not cause nausea. The food was even decent, especially sweets. Chocolate, another reason for which he might even abandon his plans to destroy the world, had he had them. He turned on the coffee and looked around his apartment, as if seeking confirmation that he is still all alone, except for the cat, not bothered by anyone. Apartment covered almost the entire floor, elegantly furnished loft was spacious enough and not as cramped as the room in Asgard which served as a prison. Large windows that never obscured, even at night. He liked to look at the city lights, twinkling, colourful, reminded him of Bifrost.

Loki established himself the best he could. Surrounded with beautiful objects, not wanting to admit even to himself why he did it. Trickster did not like this place, but has learned to operate so as not to arouse anyone's suspicion. Several sets of false documents, identities, which he wore as easily as everyday clothing. More than a dozen credit cards that Midgardians apparently considered as a strange symbol of status. He believed that a piece of plastic, no matter how large amounts of money was on it, was just a piece of plastic, but on the other hand he did not try to understand it. He had them because it was convenient. Just like discreet jewellery and suits. During his first visit, he had to admit that the people here were able to make really decent and elegant clothes. After a short time, several cabinets were filled with shirts, suits, leather shoes. Everything was simple, elegant, but not striking. He has also bought some ordinary, daily clothes to blend into the crowd.

Loki discovered something completely new, strange attraction to modern art, as defined by midgardian. The stranger it was, the more confusing, the more he liked it. He spent hours in the galleries while enjoying installations and paintings. He liked one particularly, so much that he wanted to have it on his wall. Jason Pollock, picture number five. As soon as Loki saw it, he decided that it cannot be wasted in any gallery. God of Mischief swapped it with a perfectly executed fake and from that day one of the most famous paintings in the world of modern art hung above his bed. With some interesting statues, and some images. All were at his apartment, where he could look at them every day. Yes, Midgard had its advantages.

At first he was surprised that no one was looking for him, that he didn’t encounter any strange defenders on his track. Then Loki stopped to care. He wanted to just relax and see how the others live. Almost like Thor. A small voice in Loki's head was talking sometimes, but he tried not to listen to it. Yes, there was some similarity, but he chose his own exile. Alone decided his fate - God of Lies believed it was true.

The cat jumped down from the windowsill and neatly curled on his lap, when Loki sat on a leather sofa, alone, to drink a morning coffee. Thor said to call him when he wanted to spend the day, which seemed infinitely stupid to him. Did the golden fool really thought that Loki has nothing better to do than just wait for him? Liar turned on the TV. He did not like this talking box, but it has always effectively drowned down the sounds of silence pervasive morning. The smell of coffee, the sun rose shyly over the line of buildings. A brief moment of peace, snatched from eternity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illustration for this chapter: http://ateverbti.tumblr.com/post/31590852635/illustration-for-my-fanfiction-perfect-gold-it

 

It was early morning when Thor woke up. First rays of sunlight shone through the window of Stark Tower, rousing him from sleep. He sat on the bed and stretched, mumbling under his breath. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes too high, but he could not help a smile. One day. Only one for now, when everything would be like before. He and his brother, not trying to kill each other in another meaningless battle. Of course he realized that Loki would be none too pleased, but he would be with him. At least for a short moment. Even if he didn't respond, or on the contrary, decided to hurt him with words, nothing would change. They would be together.

  
On his way to the shower he mused which place to choose for their first meeting. Somewhere neutral for certain. Somewhere where they both would feel safe, far from Heimdall's vigilant eyes or Thor's friends, who turned out to be exceedingly overprotective sometimes. Or nosy. Tony Stark was nosy. He loved knowing everything, he meddled in everyone's business as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Thor liked him anyway. He was a great companion, exceptionally intelligent. Sometimes he even reminded him of his brother, especially when he dropped sarcastic remarks left and right. However, now he would prefer Tony and his inseparable spy JARVIS not to know where he was going, and, most importantly, with whom. He knew they would never understand.

  
He put on jeans and a shirt. Since his first, unfortunate visit, he certainly came to like comfortable Midgardian clothes. At first he felt oddly defenseless in them, they didn't cover and protect him like his armor, but they were much more practical. Tony explained to him that it would be better if he wouldn't parade around with a hammer on his belt, flying his cape, because someone inevitably would take him for a loony or a cosplayer. Thor tied his hair into a ponytail, they had grown certainly too long. They almost reached his shoulder blades. He could cut them himself or ask Lady Pepper or Lady Natasha, but he didn't. He wanted Loki to do it, just like before, when they were young. His brother had always cut his hair, always perfectly even. He was the only person Thor had ever trusted with a knife on his neck. Maybe one day he would be able to convince Loki to do it. Because he believed that this day wouldn't be the only one.

  
He sneaked out of Stark Tower, taking a cup of tea on his way. He didn't want to lose a second from a meeting with his brother. Mjolnir took him to the desert, it was the safest place to weave the summoning spell, and only then to take them somewhere else. Wooden Island in Jackson Park in Chicago seemed perfect. Nobody would watch them, nobody recognized them. The park itself was exceptionally pretty, Pepper had given him one day an album with the most beautiful parks in the USA. When he saw the photos he wanted to go there at once. Thanks to Stark's kindness a few days later he was sitting by the like on the Wooden Island and admired the view. Already on that day he knew he would show it to Loki one day. His brother always liked spending time by the water.  
He sat down on the ground and started murmuring the spell again. Sharp smell of seidr, burning touch on his fingers. Alien, hostile. Another thing that made them different. Loki was a sorcerer, lethally dangerous, magic flowing in his veins mixed with blood. Thor was a warrior and his blood was warmed only from steel blades and fight. He pushed the thoughts away. If they were to meet at all, understand each other, he could not think about differences. Voice more and more monotone, song in a forgotten language, wandered over the desert. The sun was warmer and warmer, dust flew over the ground in the smallest gust of wind.

  
Air became thick and suffocating again. When he opened his eyes, his brother stood a few meters away from him. He looked better, healthier. He still had sunken cheeks and shadows under his eyes, but his skin wasn't so gray anymore. Dark hair, green eyes. Dark silhouette against blinding bright desert. Thor rose, brushed off his jeans carelessly and smiled.

  
"I do not know if these are the right clothes, brother." He eyed him. He didn't expect Loki to wear anything but a perfectly tailored suit. "You may get dirty."  
"Are you planning a sparring in the mud, you fool?" Loki hissed in his direction, though not as coldly as he had for the first time.  
"If you want." Thor smiled even wider. "But not today, I've chosen a different place. A park on an island."  
"A park?" Loki raised his eyebrows. "So be it."  
Thor grabbed Mjolnir and held out his other hand to Loki, who flinched away instinctively, and after a long while looking from the hammer to his brother he started laughing. Still bitterly, but it was more than Thor could have expected at the moment.  
"Do you really want to take us this way? And fall from the sky? Really, an excellent idea. Nobody's going to notice," he snorted.  
"Do you have another way?"  
"I can take us there." He flicked his hand in the air. "I've lost the All-father's grace, but not seidr and certainly not my wits," he added bitterly after a moment.  
"I do not know if that's a good idea," Thor murmured under his breath. He wanted to believe Loki, but remembered how this last attempted ended. With a knife in his breast.  
"Don't you trust me?" Loki came to him. They were barely a meter apart. He still smiled, unnaturally, stiffly. The smile of the Liar and the Trickster.  
"I would like to." Thor took his brother's outstretched hand. "I really would, Loki."  
"You shouldn't," Loki snorted quietly. "But not today. Our deal suits me for now."

  
The world twisted suddenly and shrunk to the size of a dust mote. Thor never liked teleportation, even through Bifrost. He trusted more in his own feet and horsehooves than spells. Unpleasant clench in his stomach. He breathed quietly when he finally felt solid earth under his feet. Loki stood next to him and kept his hand on his shoulder. Thor didn't want to move, even for a millimeter, he wanted it to stay that way. His brother always did so when they landed on foreign, hostile land. For a few long moments he kept his slender hand on Thor's muscular shoulder, as if asserting that they're still alive, still together. Thor would seek no other comfort or conviction. He was a warrior, he could show no weakness and Loki knew it. So it was all his brother offered.

  
"You still fear this," Loki mocked, moving away at once. "You are not worthy of being a king's son, let alone a king."  
"Twelve hours, Loki," Thor reminded him. "Twelve hours without hatred. Make an effort."  
"The fact you didn't find yourself inside a volcano means that I'm trying." His voice was again cold and distant. "Let's go. I have no intention of standing around in the grass whole day, even for an apple from Idunn's gardens."

  
They walked the alleys, Thor sometimes looking at his brother, but Loki's face remained a mystery. Birds' sounds, other people's conversations, everything seemed so unreal. They walked side by side. His younger brother was visibly calmer, perhaps even a little interested in this new place. When they were younger, he would drag him out of the library or his chamber and take him to the woods, to the river. Loki would sit with a book on the grass, refusing to move a millimeter, listened, watched. Thor would hunt, sometimes tried to make his brother take part, but gave up after a few unsuccessful attempts. When he returned, a few hours later with game to roast, Loki waited for him. He would smile then. He still smiled. Now it was different. They were no longer children and Loki would never wait for him.

  
"Shall we sit?" Thor asked, seeing a bench at the lakeside.

  
Loki simply nodded. Thor sat first and seeing hesitation in his brother's eyes he brushed the bench with his hand, laughing quietly. This didn't change. Loki never liked getting dirty, always kept his clothes clean and neat, unlike Thor, over whom Frigga always lamented and could not keep with his clothes changing. Loki sat at last, watching the lake's surface where sun's reflections danced. Thor watched him. Perhaps they grew so apart that they could never meet halfway anymore. Loki was different, there was no spark in his eyes like when he planned another prank, a careless smile never appeared on his face.

  
He was silent, unsure what to say. When he looked for help in Loki's gaze, he met a thick, icy wall. He gave up at last. He didn't expect it to be easy, but never thought it would be so difficult. He just wanted to have him back, nothing more. Just was it still possible? He sighed quietly and took a small paper back out of his backpack. He took a handful of breadcrumbs and scattered them ahead. Loki simply looked at him, confused, then at the water. A few ducks swam to them, started picking at breadcrumbs. Thor smiled briefly at his brother and tossed another handful.

 

***

 

"Do you like coffee?" He asked Loki at last after a few hours of silence.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Do you like coffee," Thor asked again. "I can bring some, they have really good one nearby. If you want."  
"No matter," Loki answered looking at the water again.  
"Will you wait for me?" Uncertainty in Thor's voice was audible even too much. It showed from under softly spoken request.

  
Loki nodded, knowing that the answer would stick in his throat. Yes, he would. Just like before. Awareness shook him for a moment, tore him out of his apathy and indifference. Luckily Thor didn't see that, disappearing in the alley between the trees. Loki thought. He didn't want it at all, this sudden concern, Asgard's golden son's smile, he didn't want to go back to what had been before, but a part of him clutched desperately at his brother's red cape. He tried to push it away, forget, but he couldn't. More time, he needed more time. He needed to rest, analyze his earlier mistakes and then throw himself fully into his next plot. For now he was too tired, however, to do anything else but read books, go to the theatre and take care of the cat. And of course this stupid deal he had agreed to.The rest would come later, if there would be later. Now he wasn't so confident, of his mind, of his wits. He allowed the possibility of faulure, even death, if something went very wrong, even though he still didn't want to acknowledge this even before himself. He pretended it was like always, that he did what he wanted, not what he had to. But it hadn't been true for many years.

And those ducks, who loudly demanded breadcrumbs. He reached for the bag, which Thor had left on the bench, took a handful and tossed onto the water. Birds calmed for a moment. Idiotic. He behaved like an idiot, sitting in the park, feeding the ducks, waiting for his brother to bring the coffee. Just to get a golden apple. Just for that. He was himself again, a moment of stupid weakness past and he could smile like he always did. He could be the God of Lies and Chaos. Be the Trickster.

  
When his brother came back carrying not only coffee, but also a box, he moved the bag away at once. The last thing Thor needed to see was the God of Chaos feeding ducks with a stupid expression on his face. Because he was sure he didn't look the most intelligent being on earth. He moved almost to the edge of the bench when Thor sat next to him. He handed him a big paper cup. Between them he put the box and opened it.

  
"I thought you may be hungry." He smiled warmly. "I don't know how you like your coffee, I've taken large and sweet."  
"I don't like sweets," Loki answered, trying to gather all the acid he had in his voice, but failed.  
"I will take another next time," Thor sighed. "Try them, they're good." He pushed the box of doughnuts his way. "Sweet, but maybe it won't be so bad."  
"Since when did you know what it is?" Loki asked taking one, caked with white icing. "Your mortal friends?" He hissed, eyes dark."  
"Yes," Thor admitted grimly.  
"Ah, yes. Surely without their enlightened assistance you would never manage here on your own." He put the doughnut away at once and pushed the box away.  
"And you don't want to try it just because Stark or one of the others told me they were good? Really, Loki?" He shook his head. "You haven't changed so much."  
"From your mouth it's very funny." Loki flicked his hand.

  
He went silent. Thor did it. This damn fool managed to get under his skin. With a sentence. He affected a mask of indifference again, not wanting his brother to realize this, even though he must have used up his whole supply of cleverness for a week. Thor was right, his behavior was stupid. Even stupider than this whole deal and feeding ducks in the park. Hesitantly he reached for the doughnut again, fingers stick with icing. He looked it over from every side before he tried a bit. Sweet, with lemon icing. Perfect with coffee his brother had brought. On the other hand why should he deny himself this small pleasure. Of course he hated Thor's new friends with a passion, just like he hated Thor himself. Everything which had to do with him. But why should he say no to himself. He would to it next time, another day. Today he had no strength left. He didn't even realize he would be so very tired. His brother's constant presence, who insisted on nothing, never tried to forcibly convince him, just was, was nearly unbearable. He thought he preferred it when they fought, it seemed more proper. He didn't want his patience, favor or warmth. Hatred was easier, he didn't have to think about it. It was easier to forge his regret and anger into it. What Thor was doing was worse, so much worse. It stabbed him into a center of his chest. Sweet taste of icing and chocolate coffee. He closed his eyes for a moment, still feeling his brother's gaze. Not pushy, not vigilant, just warmth look of blue eyes.

  
"Come on, I want to show you something," he heard after a long silence. "It's late, and I really want you to see it."  
"Twelve hours," he reminded, even though he wanted to stop himself in the last moment.  
"We'll make it."  
He got up and followed Thor. The park was empty, nearly silent, not counting ever-present birds. The walk was short this time. Just a few minutes before they found themselves on the shore from which they could see the horizon. The sun was starting to set, the water seemed to be liquid gold. Everything suddenly acquired a warm, orange hue.  
"Gold," Loki murmured. "Do you like to bask in it so much?"  
"Loki." He shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it to you, and you don't want to listen anyway. Just watch."

  
They watched in silence as the golden orb started to sink in the waters of the lake. Everything went silent. Just the quiet sound of wind, twin breaths, birds somewhere in the distance. Thor took an apple out of his backpack, cut it in half and handed it to Loki.

  
"Will we meet next month?" He asked quietly, dreading the aswer.  
"Yes," Loki said, softly, differently. He took the half of the apple.  
"I will call you."  
"I know." He turned away and disappeared suddenly, leaving a tendril of green smoke behind.

  
His apartment suddenly seemed too quiet and empty. The cat slept on the sofa, curled, purring, but even his presence was little relief. Loki sat next to him. He felt tired, hollow. He tilted his head onto soft back rest. He watched the ceiling for a while as if he looked for something in it. Maybe answers. But he found nothing but white, smooth plaster. The apple nearly fell off his hands when his fingers loosened on their own. He touched his lips to it, breathing sweet scent in. He bit into it. Juice trickled down his chin, staining white collar o his shirt. Something new, a new feeling. He swallowed. It was easier this time. He forgot about bitterness. Under his eyelids there was a world drowned in gold, beautiful and serene. Next bite. He had almost forgotten about the seeds. He put them on the table, smiling sadly to himself. His first try wasn't a success. He managed to create fruit, but it had no life inside. It was an ordinary sweet apple. Nothing more. He would try tomorrow again.

  
It was too early for sleep, though for him it was always too early. When he was young he used to spend his nights pouring over books, scrolls. Alone. Letters blurred in pale candlelight, flowed across parchment. Nights were better then, safer. Sometimes his brother checked on him, sat next to trying not to disturb, peered over his shoulder. When Loki had no strength left to read, Thor put a hand on his shoulder gently or closed the book. If he happened to fall asleep while studying, he woke up covered in soft blanket. He pursed his lips. Why did it have to come back right now?

  
He curled into himself, the cold was stronger, his inheritance never let him forget about itself. The skin was bright blue, the eyes turned red. Hands marked with likes. Just like scars. He hated them, he feared them. No matter how much time had passed since the moment he found out the truth, he still didn't want to admit it. He was a monster mothers in Asgard told their children at night. A monster that Thor had sworn to kill, remove from the face of the earth. A creature that had killed its father, spilled so much blood. As red as his eyes. He forced himself to recall everything that mattered to hm, every thought, every memory, no matter how bitter. He stopped the cold that entwined pale body. He shivered for a long time before sleep came, taking him on another journey full of fear and loneliness.


End file.
